Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Camping Tips

I love to camp but do not get to do much this summer. Had one outing in 2008 so far. Probably will need to be content with that. Usually get to hunt this time of year, but it does not look good for that activity this year.

Anyway, here are some camping tips. Have not tried any of these yet, but some look interesting. Camping Tips
Get even with a bear who raids your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
When smoking a fish, never inhale.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheard of. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
Effective January 1, 1997, you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
You’ll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
A two-man pup tent does not have enough room for two men and does not include a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read “Beat on a rock in stream.”
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
It’s entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.